gravity rides everything

I was reading the blogs on my old MySpace that I completely forgot about. I thought I deleted it. Anyways, it was shocking to read the pathetic things I had written. I guess most of them are from about a year ago. They are pitiful, and I was embarrassed for myself. There are over sixty ridiculous blogs. I’m sure that when people read them they were like, “This girl has fucking lost her marbles.”

The truth is, I think I did actually lose my marbles. I hate to think that was the person I was and I like to pretend that it wasn’t me. However, it was. It’s so great to see how much I have changed in only a year. You don’t notice the subtle changes that occur over the course of a year because time really does go so fast. But when you have something to look back at and compare with the present it is much easier to notice. I used to be dependent on other people, I used to be a sad sad joke. I guess I actually do have to cut myself some slack because I was going through a bad time but even though. I really hope I was never perceived in the way it seems like I would have been. If I was someone other than myself reading those I would have felt sorry for the person. I’ve never wanted anyone to feel sorry for me. It makes me sick that it came off like like.

I guess the best part of it is that I have changed in such a good way. I feel so much more mature and able to deal with many more different situations now. I almost deleted the whole MySpace but I just can’t bring myself to delete the blogs. I feel like it is a part of me and I hate deleting any part of myself. I shouldn’t feel ashamed because at least I am not in that same position or state of mind. I guess in a year I will read them again and it will probably sound like some nineteen year old wrote that pile of ridiculous shit. But the truth is, a nineteen year old did write them…and in a year from now I will be almost 22 so I am sure I will be more accepting of it.

I wonder who I will be in a year from now. Hopefully someone awesome.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

skillet on the stove,
it’s such a temptation
maybe I’ll be the special one
that doesn’t get burnt

jenny owen young

~ by rachaeleatworld on March 13, 2007.

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